A listening ear...

“One of my roles is to provide information and advice to agencies referring children, to help ensure that their profiles have the best chance of attracting appropriate enquiries from prospective families. I also talk to families about their questions, let them share their frustrations, and encourage them to carry on if they feel like giving up! Many families keep in touch with the team and it’s extremely rewarding when they ring excitedly, to tell us they’ve gone on to be matched with a child. It’s a real boost for the whole team and we share in their success too!” Patricia McGinty

What sort of children are in Be My Parent, and do they all have ‘problems’?

We feature children of all ages and backgrounds throughout the UK who are waiting for an adoptive or permanent foster family. That includes some babies, although nowadays there are very few white healthy babies who need adoptive families. However, many of the children in Be My Parent are those who often wait the longest for a family: particularly, children over the age of seven, boys, children who are black, Asian or of mixed ethnicity, disabled children, and those whose future development is uncertain.

It is important to remember that all children needing new families will have experienced many losses and changes in their lives, to a greater or lesser extent, including the loss of their birth families, and maybe the trauma of abuse or neglect. Where their physical or emotional needs have not been met, many children will have developmental delay, attachment difficulties or other needs. These children are likely to need lots of extra time and attention from their new family to help them recover and thrive, and develop trust in adults. Some children may need more specialist therapeutic support.

Can I enquire about children who live far from me?

Most agencies will consider enquiries from families within a 50-mile radius. This is to enable them to effectively support both you and the child. In addition, some children who need permanent fostering may require quite extensive contact with their birth families. An agency may therefore prioritise nearby families who can better facilitate such arrangements. We are now encouraging agencies to be more specific about their geographical considerations in profiles. This should help families to make, and agencies to receive, more appropriate enquiries for a child.

However, there are no hard and fast rules. If the right family for a child lives further away, the agency may still consider them. If you are not approved, the child’s agency may even be able to arrange for another agency to carry out your assessment on their behalf. It is important not to restrict yourself to a particular area. If you really feel you’re the right family for a child, then go for it!

Will my agency mind me subscribing to Be My Parent?

It is really important to keep the lines of communication open between you and your agency. So if you want to subscribe to Be My Parent, let your social worker know! An agency shouldn’t ‘mind’ you wanting to explore your options, but they will want to be actively involved. In England and Wales, local authorities may want to hold on to their adoptive families for up to three months after approving them. This is to allow children in their care to have the opportunity to be matched with adopters they have already invested a great deal of time and resources in when preparing, assessing, and approving them. If after that period a match hasn’t taken place, you will be free to make enquiries about children in Be My Parent. You can also speak to your agency about being referred to the Adoption Register for England and Wales. Voluntary adoption agencies and independent fostering providers, who do not have their ‘own’ children to place, will consider linking you with children from almost anywhere straight away.

Does my agency need to ring the social workers of children I’m interested in, or can I phone directly?

This very much depends on what you agree with your agency. Each month we receive many hundreds of calls from families who prefer to ring the child’s social worker themselves. This is usually fine for initial or introductory details about a child, but be aware that your social worker will need to be involved in the process. You can make enquiries, but, as the more detailed background information beyond the child’s profile is confidential, the child’s social worker will usually share this through your social worker. It is important to explain to your social worker that you are making enquiries, so you work together towards finding you the right match. If you are not yet approved, or do not have an allocated social worker, you may find that you are offered very limited information.

I’m interested in a child who needs adopting, but I’m approved to permanently foster. Can I still enquire?

It’s always worth making an enquiry if you feel you might be the right family for a specific child or sibling group. However, it will really depend on the child or children. For instance, we do know that some children will be harder to place, so if no adoptive family can be found, the agency may well look for a permanent foster family.

If you are a permanent foster carer, the agency might want to keep your details on file in the event that they do not find an adoptive family. If you are an approved permanent foster carer but wish to adopt a child, you will need to discuss this with your agency. You will need to be assessed as an adopter from scratch, though there will be some overlap with your previous assessment as a permanent foster carer. You will also keep your fostering status with any foster child already in your family or in the future.

I’ve been enquiring about children for ages and haven’t got anywhere. What can I do to increase my chances of being matched?

It may not be sufficient to rely on your social worker, who is likely to be very busy. Why not be a little proactive? You could try:

• Attending adoption exchange days: where approved families meet with agencies and see profiles of children who are waiting
• Asking your adoption agency to place your details on the Adoption Register for England and Wales, a database which matches children with approved adoptive families
• Asking your adoption agency to share some information about you to the local consortium they belong to – a group of local and voluntary agencies who work together. This sometimes includes permanent foster families too
• Discussing with your social worker the idea of circulating your family details as a flyer to other agencies
• Considering the Family Profiles’ section on our website, for approved adopters or permanent foster carers. With the agreement of your social worker, you could feature a profile about yourself.

If you’ve been waiting for some considerable time, you may want to re-think the sort of child you feel able to care for, for instance a sibling group, an older child, or a child with uncertain development. A good time to do this may be when you have your annual review with your agency (every two years in Wales).

Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in March 2008.

This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666/5/4.

Last updated: 03 March 08

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