An amazing capacity to heal

“I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been covered in gunk,” says Haggid. “Sometimes they want to splatter paint around the room and I don’t always catch it in time!” It sounds like fun – until you hear that some of the children Haggid works with also want to destroy the toys, give the baby dolls a battering, and spend session after session pretending to be a frightening monster.

Many children in care have experienced neglect or abuse in one form or another. Creating terror and chaos in the safety of the play therapy room may be the only way they can express what has happened to them and how they feel about it.

“All children who come into care are experiencing a tremendous sense of loss,” says Haggid. “We know that awful things have happened, some of which we may never find out. The child will show me, really strongly, how it felt for them. There will be intense feelings in the room: fears, terrible despair, sorrow. My role is to contain this. They will throw these feelings at me and, as a therapist, I will survive them. None of the monsters they role-play kills me, none of their mess disgusts me.”

Haggid works with children in care aged from three right through to adolescence whose social workers have referred them for play therapy. The weekly sessions last an hour and might take place at the child’s school or a family centre.

She provides a range of things for children to play with. There are slimes, paint and other messy play materials so that children can experience the sensory play of early childhood – especially if they missed out on this when they were little. There are figures, animals and dolls’ houses for playing out stories, including their own. There are dressing up clothes, masks and puppets for role play.

Play is the way children communicate, explains Haggid. “We’re not trying to get them to talk. We are really starting from the basis that that is how children communicate and we respect and value that.”

From the way a child plays, Haggid often gets a strong picture of what life was like in his or her birth family. “Every child will express that in a different way. That’s why it’s so important not to impose on the child, because they’re getting in touch with their strength and resourcefulness. They choose. And these are children who have never been able to choose anything, and have had no control over what’s happened in their lives. In the play therapy sessions, they have that control. They decide what they’re going to do and how they’re going to express it – and whether they want to express it or not.”

Many of the children will really test the boundaries in the therapy room when they express their rage. “They’re very, very mixed up and have these explosive feelings which the play therapy can help them release,” says Haggid.

Play therapists ensure that children can do this safely, without hurting themselves or anyone else. It’s also important that children understand that there are certain things they can do in the therapy room which they can’t do in real life, and that the end of the therapy session is clearly marked before children return to their everyday life.

Therapists use techniques such as reflection – simply repeating back to a child what they have said or expressed, without judgement or explanation. “It’s very much to do with having someone hear them and witness what they’ve been through,” says Haggid.

Gradually, children move on from very chaotic and intense play. More nurturing figures may appear in their role play, for instance. This is a very satisfying part of Haggid’s role. “The children are developing a much more positive sense of self and they start to realise that there are people who care about them, that they are worthy of love,” she says. “The children are building up their resilience and starting to feel better about themselves. They’re in a family where they’re feeling secure and loved.”

When children get to that stage and have that resilience and sense of self-worth, they can begin to heal what has happened to them. Their relationship to their carers is more positive, things are going better at school, and their behaviour improves. For Haggid, the best case scenario is to work with children for quite some time before they move to their permanent placement so that they have worked through some of their really difficult issues. She can then support them through the transition. It may involve working with them for a year or more to really settle them. “Play therapy is not a quick fix,” says Haggid. “It’s a long process really.”

Even if therapy cannot be continued for as long as it should, Haggid feels there can be a benefit, especially if she can have enough time to work through the ending of play therapy with the child. “That can be positive in itself because sometimes, in the care system, children can be moved very quickly and they don’t have time to process these changes and endings.”

In addition to her direct therapy work, Haggid is also part of the team of people who surround every child in the care system. She is asked to provide feedback on how the therapy is going and makes general suggestions about the child’s well-being. That might mean deciding that a child may benefit from a different type of therapy. She may also get involved in assessing whether a child is ready to move to a permanent family.

Despite her frustration and sadness that some children who would benefit from play therapy do not have access to it, Haggid loves her job and talks about it with passion. “The courage and resilience of the children always really touches me. Given the space, and with someone who will attune to them, children have an amazing capacity to heal.”

Play therapy and carers

If your child is having play therapy, where do you fit in and how can you help?

• Be supportive of the process and encourage your child to attend sessions regularly.
• Carers are not normally present during play therapy sessions, but some play therapists do occasionally work with children and their permanent carers together, to help strengthen their relationship. Haggid says: “I think it’s sometimes difficult for carers because they’re with the child 24/7 and can just get locked into the behaviour issues. I try to explain the child’s emotional world so they can understand what’s going on and find ways to help him or her.”
• You and the play therapist have different ways of helping the child. As the carer, you are the main figure in the child’s life and nurturing him or her is your role, not the play therapist’s.
• A child’s relationship with his carer will improve as the play therapy helps him or her develop more positive feelings.

When do children get referred for play therapy?

Play therapists work with children from the age of around three right through to adolescence. Children who have suffered emotional, physical or sexual abuse or other trauma and loss are likely to benefit from play therapy. However, children with a range of issues may also benefit. These are some of the indicators:

• Not settling well with carers
• Challenging behaviour
• Problems at school
• Nightmares
• Problems with eating
• Self harming
• Withdrawn or deeply unhappy
• Suffering from anxiety or stress.

How to get therapy for your child?

Some play therapists are employed by local authorities or other organisations while others operate as independent practitioners. Social workers can refer children for play therapy.

If you are adopters and have legal rights for your child and you believe that he or she would benefit from play therapy, you could opt to pay for your child to have sessions with an independent play therapist. This may also be part of your post-adoption support package (see below).

Visit the British Association of Play Therapists' website for more information on play therapy or to find a therapist in your area.

Post-adoption support

One of the key intentions behind the Adoption and Children Act 2002 was to make post-adoption support more widely available, and provided consistently.

Every adopter or person affected by adoption (which can include birth family members or former guardians of an adopted child) now has a right to be assessed to see what support they need with respect to their adoption experience.

Families can approach the Adoption Support Services Adviser in their placing authority if the need occurs within three years of the adoption order being granted, or in their local authority if this occurs after the three-year point, and ask for an assessment of need.

Although there is a right to an assessment, there is unfortunately no automatic right to the services or help that the assessment might identify. Each local authority will make provisions depending on their financial circumstances and local demand.

However, there are some core services which each local authority is required to provide, including:

• Support in respect of contact
• Therapeutic support for the adopted child
• Support for adoptions at risk of failing (disruptions).

Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in September 2008.

This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666/5/4.

Last updated: 26 January 09

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