Forever sisters and brothers

Selina writes: My sister and I went into foster care because our birth parents had hurt us. We went to live with a white foster carer. She was nice, but she did not understand me. My little brother was born when I was in care and I went to see him in foster care. He was not placed with me and my sister.

I was told that all three of us were going to be put up for adoption together, and they took pictures of us together and put them in a magazine. Then the social workers came and told us that our brother was going to new parents without us. His new family didn't want girls. That made us really sad because we didn't know if we were ever going to see him again, and it upset me that they didn't want us, just because we are girls. I felt really angry that they had split us up.

My adoptive mum came and saw us and wanted us both, and we are very happy with her. I was happy that my sister was placed with me because we have always been together and I did not want her to go to another family. I have looked after her since she was a baby and she would have been lost without me. I feel that I have been through a lot of rough stuff in my life, but when I get sad I just look at my sister and it makes me smile. She can be a real pain but it would have broken my heart if they had put her somewhere else. It would have meant that I would have lost all my past; with her along we can have a future together.

We saw our brother a couple of times after he went to his new family, but his adoptive dad said he did not want us to keep seeing him. My mum had to fight for us to see him because she knew how important it was to us, and now we get to see him twice a year.

My blood brother is now seven and a lovely, cheeky and spoilt little boy. I feel sad that he did not come to live with us. He is my brother, but I know very little about him. He speaks a different language to me, and his adoptive mummy and daddy are from a different country of origin from me. Our lives are going to be very different. I understand that he is now someone else's brother as well as my blood brother. I hope we will be allowed to continue to see him in the future; it makes me happy to know and to see he is happy. If we are not allowed to see him, then it will break my heart.

We as a family are now in the process of adopting a little boy – he is going to be my brother forever. He is not a replacement for my blood brother. I am happy to be where I am today, with a mum who loves me, and a brother and sister who are going to be in my life forever.

Saira writes: I was very little when I went to live with a foster carer and I don't remember a lot of what happened then. I am really happy to be with my big sister – she's really bossy and stuff but I really love her. My sister always looks after me and sticks up for me, she keeps me safe.

I see my blood brother twice a year and I think that he is very nice. I often don't know what to say to him and sometimes he can be really rude to me, but I still love him. His adoptive mum and sister are very nice to me.

I have a new little brother of my own now and he is my forever brother. He likes to play with me and is always following me around the house, but I don’t mind. I had to wait a long time for him, and now that he is here, I am going to have fun with him!

All names have been changed.

Have you seen our Be My Parent features on contact and our answers to questions such as What is direct and indirect contact?

Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in July 2005. Selina and Saira's adoptive mum, Shabana, previously appeared in the November 2004 Be My Parent article 'Single carers have so much to offer'.

This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666/5/4.

Last updated: 30 April 08

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