Giving something back

The adoption process today is worlds apart from what it was 50 years ago when I was adopted. There was no such thing as panel then, which I think is now an essential part of the process. With so many people struggling to have children and so many children waiting for new families, it is vital that the right decisions are made for their future. That way, these children have a real chance of happiness.

I thought that, by joining an adoption panel, I would have an input into decisions made about these children’s futures, like the choices that were made for me when I was only six months old. So, after an initial interview, I sat and ‘observed’ three different panels. I soon realised that it was a very worthwhile thing to do and was delighted when I was accepted as an independent panel member.

I strongly approve of having members on the panel who, like me, have personal experience of adoption or fostering, and have ‘lived’ it, not just read about it or learnt on the job. When I first joined, I felt quite nervous among all the adoption professionals, but our panel works together as a strong team in which everyone’s opinion is equally valued, which I really appreciate. We are totally absorbed in, and dedicated to, our task. It’s a great feeling!

We may see anything from three to six cases in a panel day. The related case papers are sent to us ten days before panel sits, and I read, scrutinise and absorb all the information we are given. I work full time and have a family, so it can be difficult to find time to read the papers if there are a lot of cases. However, I always make sure I eead every word on every paper, even though some of the details about the children’s early lives can be very traumatic. I would feel I was failing in my duty otherwise, and wouldn’t feel able to make a decision without all the facts.

I think it is very useful that most prospective adopters attend their own panel meeting. The prospective adopters’ report usually gives an accurate picture, but I do like to meet them in person. I often pay attention to body language and eye contact between couples. I try to get a ‘feel’ for them, and work out if they have a strong, supportive relationship, which, fortunately, most do. One couple even held hands under the table throughout the whole meeting! I don’t have any standard questions as each case is different; however, it’s helpful to know how adopters plan to manage difficult behaviour or other issues that may arise. I also like to find out about their support network.

I find it very satisfying when prospective adopters leave happy with the recommendation that has been made. They often cry tears of joy and relief. When I hear a child has been successfully placed it’s great to know that the recommendations we make are the right ones. To prospective adopters I would say: “If you feel you can do it, then go for it!”. It’s not an easy or short process, but if you have the determination and feel you can give a child, or group of brothers and sisters, a happy and loving future within a warm and nurturing environment then make initial enquiries and see if it is for you.

As told to Claire Bussey.

Daisy’s name has been changed. Photograph posed by model.

Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in November 2007.

This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666/5/4.

Last updated: 14 November 07

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