It’s all about the children

I’ve always been passionate about children, but one day I started to think about specifically helping disadvantaged children. I wanted to give the love and support I’d given my birth child to a child who wasn’t getting that. When my daughter was five, Rohan and I began talking to her about the possibility of fostering. It took a long time to prepare her for this, since we knew it would dramatically change our lives. In 2002, we approached an independent fostering agency and began the process.

We started off as short-term foster carers but, when Christine and Federin joined us in mid-2005, we knew we could give them a permanent home as they blended so well into our family. Rohan and I approached our social worker about this, with the children’s consent: they understood that this would help them feel more settled. But they also appreciated that we had to be approved to become permanent foster carers first.

Because of our previous experience as short-term foster carers, we knew a lot about panel and didn’t need too much preparation work. Nevertheless, we were still given some information about what to expect. We were told that the panel would be looking at our circumstances, and whether we could continue to meet Christine and Federin’s needs. We knew our experience of going to panel was going to be slightly different to most people because we were being approved with children in mind.

What we didn’t know was who would make up the panel, though we knew our social worker would be there for us. We had also been told that there would be both local authority and independent panel members. Since I had been on a panel before, I thought an existing foster carer might be there too.

In Summer 2006, the moment arrived. I was feeling very confident, but also a little nervous, which I think is natural. I was wondering what kind of questions they were going to ask me, and what kind of answers they would be looking for. But I was feeling optimistic because I knew we could give Christine and Federin the best possible care, which was sure to be reflected in the report presented to the panel.

It was extremely valuable for Rohan and me to have each other there as support. We also brought Christine along. She wanted to meet the panel, but the Chair didn’t think it was appropriate, so she waited outside.

When Rohan and I went in, the panel members introduced themselves. They were a diverse mix of different professions and backgrounds, and they really did seem like ‘real’ people. They made us feel relaxed and their dress was formal but in a smart-casual way.

The panel asked us non-intimidating questions we could answer. They wanted to know about us as a family: how we approach situations, how we have dealt with behavioural or emotional challenges. They were looking for a family who could give the children a good grounding, which I knew we could. The panel also wanted to hear from Rohan, who doesn’t usually speak much, while I talk for England! They didn’t do this aggressively, but in a way that suggested they were interested to hear from both of us. Rohan actually ended up wanting to speak more than I did! We also had the opportunity to ask questions, mainly involving the level of social work input we would get once the children were with us long term.

I left the room feeling positive: I could pretty much gauge from their questions what the outcome might be. What mattered to me was putting the children first. It’s all about the children and what you can provide for them. All I could do was wait for the response.

And that response came quickly: there were no reservations, no long waits – we were approved to permanently foster! Christine screamed with joy and I felt overwhelmed. I knew we were on our way, and taking the journey further.

The panel recommended us for approval, from short-term to long-term carers, for siblings aged three to 18 years, with Christine and Federin specifically in mind. We were happy with the recommendation, as it came from requests from both us and the agency, which went into the form presented to the panel.

We were approved at our agency’s panel nearly a year ago, but we still don’t have a date,to be officially linked long term with Christine and Federin. The local authority is happy with us, but the process is taking a long time. However, we receive a lot of support from our agency. Our social worker has been priming us for ages and we talk about long-term fostering every time we meet. I’m not too sure how the matching process operates, but I know our social worker will prepare us properly.

When we have a panel to link us to Christine and Federin (through the local authority), I know I definitely want to attend. With my agency you have the opportunity to go, which I know is unusual, and I personally think it will be wise to. It will show my commitment and interest and I will have the chance to make my views known.

Looking back on my own experiences, if I had to give advice to people going to panel to be approved or linked, I would remind them to have the child’s best interests at heart. That applies whether you are being approved with a child in mind or not. The primary focus should be on the sort of child you could continually provide the best care for: that will put everything in perspective.

The names of all children have been changed to protect their confidentiality.

Have you seen our answers to common questions such as Do I need special skills or qualities to adopt or foster?

Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in July 2007.

This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666/5/4.

Last updated: 05 December 07

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