You can't teach a child to be black
Veronica, an African-Caribbean social worker based in Central England, is very clear about what she looks for in a permanent family.
“Ideally, children need to wake up and see a person who looks the same as themselves,” Veronica says. “They need a family who feel good about themselves, and who can then help the child feel good about themselves. You are looking for families who understand and acknowledge their own history, and for black families, it is important that they recognise that their history does not start with slavery. Otherwise, this may add to the confusion many children already feel about their identity. Families need to teach their children the richness of their culture, and to be themselves, not someone they cannot be.”
Veronica was delighted when she recently placed an African child with a mixed African- Caribbean and African family. It so happened that the adoptive father’s African homeland is right next to the birth mother’s country of origin. “This was absolutely fantastic,” Veronica says, “as he can teach the child first-hand about the birth mother’s background, especially as he knows the language and culture. With white, African-Caribbean and African influences, the child will have a positive cultural upbringing. If I could place all black children in families like that, I would retire happy!”
However, this is not always possible and Veronica finds it hard to assess families who do not match a child’s cultural background, as developing a child’s ethnicity “does not begin and end with skin and hair care. You can’t teach a child how to be black – it’s something that comes through the umbilical cord. It comes through the food that you eat, the books you read, spirituality, cultural influences and so on. A child needs strong black role models so they can learn and internalise their identity.”
By their very nature, Veronica feels white families have not had to develop the mechanisms to survive that black children will invariably need. “When I’m assessing a white family for a black or mixed-ethnicity child,” she says, “I have to look for specific things. I would expect them to be free from an inbuilt sense of superiority, to have an acceptance of people in the black community and to be a part of it.” Living in a multi-cultural city is not enough: “It’s about who comes to your home, who you go and see. It’s the life that you lead and how you integrate people into it.”
Another challenge is that there are not enough black families coming forward or, if they do come forward, they tend to place restrictions on the type of child they are willing to consider: younger children, girls, able children. But, stresses Veronica, boys need parents too, as do older children, and no child is perfect! Often too, families are keen to match physical traits, and in particular skin tone, which may not always be possible, but whether or not your skin tone is the same, children should feel proud of their own particular features.
Another difficulty is the lack of awareness of adoption in the black community. One family asked Veronica how much they had to pay to be assessed. For many families, finance is a huge issue and so black families tend to consider longterm fostering, although increased financial support may make adoption easier in the future.
“We need more support within the black community,” concludes Veronica. “The churches could be doing more. Single black males could also come forward to adopt. Unless more black families come forward, who will help these children?”
Veronica is a pseudonym.
Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in July 2004.
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Last updated: 10 September 07
