Becoming an adoptive parent

Finding a child to adopt
Being matched with a child
Introductions
Moving in
Support
Telling your child they are adopted
Contact after adoption
If the adoption does not work out

Finding a child to adopt

Once you have been approved as an adoptive parent your social worker will use several strategies to try to match you with a child needing adoption – unless they already have a child in mind for you. For local authorities, the family-finding or adoption team for a local authority will usually first look to see if they can match you with any local children in their authority, or consortium, but theoretically you can adopt from anywhere in the UK. Voluntary agencies who approve adopters will consider children from a range of local authorities.

You can subscribe to Be My Parent and begin receiving the Be My Parent newspaper every month, and using the Be My Parent online family-finding service. If you see a child you are interested in, Be My Parent will provide you with the details you need to contact the child’s social worker and find out more. If you are a website subscriber you can make enquiries directly to social workers.

In England and Wales, local authorities and voluntary adoption agencies must refer you to the Adoption Register for England and Wales three months after you have been approved, with your consent, if your agency has not identified a link or match with a child. Your agency may also refer you as soon as you have been approved. You can complete a form yourself so that your details are available to the Register but your approving agency must agree to you being entered onto the Register.

The Adoption Register is a computer database that stores details of children needing adoption where their own agency has not been able to find a suitable adoptive family, and details of approved adopters awaiting a placement. The team at the Adoption Register suggest matches to agencies between children and prospective adopters. Their helpline is 0870 750 2176.

At present, Scotland is not included in the Adoption Register, but there are other linking services available, including the West of Scotland and North East Scotland Consortia, and the Scottish Resource Network which is a child placement service run by BAAF Scotland.

Being matched with a child

Once a possible match with a child has been identified, the child’s agency will approach you, or more commonly your social worker with some initial details about the child. Your social worker will usually forward brief details about you to the child’s social worker. If you, your social worker, the child’s social worker and the child placement social worker for the child’s agency are in agreement that you might be a suitable match, you will be offered more information including a background report on the child, also known as a Child Permanence Report or a Form E. This is a detailed report which contains the information needed to find a suitable new family for the child, including details of the child’s background, history and birth family, proposed contact and support. The child’s agency must also give you any other relevant reports and information relating to the child’s health, education and special needs. At this stage, your social worker may also pass a copy of your Prospective Adopter’s Report (in England only), home study or Form E, to the child’s agency.

If all parties still agree that you may a suitable match, the social workers for the child’s agency may then visit you and your social worker, usually at your home. This is an important part of the adoption process and is an opportunity for you to ask any questions you may have. This can be both an anxious and very exciting moment, and there may be many twists and turns before you are finally matched with a child. Often, the child’s agency will consider several families for the same child at the same time, and you may be disappointed not to be the family chosen in the end. Any decisions made about a match will be based on the best interests of the child.

When finding the right family for a child, the needs, wishes, and welfare of the child are the main focus. The wishes of the child's birth parents will also be taken into account. The child’s agency will take several factors into account when considering your ability to meet the child’s needs. This will include the child’s emotional, physical and educational development, health needs, ethnicity, culture, religion, language and geographical location. The type and level of contact that the child needs with their birth family and significant others will also be considered.

If everyone involved still agrees you may be the right family for the child, the child’s agency should write an adoption placement report which will include details of proposed contact and support. You will have ten days to comment on the report before it goes to panel.The adoption placement report will be presented to the adoption panel for the child’s local authority, along with the Child Permanence Report or Form E and your Prospective Adopter’s Report (England), home study or Form F. Similar to your approval, the decision-maker for the child’s agency will make the final decision about whether to approve the match based on the panel’s recommendations. This is another momentous step forward!

Once a decision has been made about a match, the social workers involved will meet with you to confirm plans for introductions, support and proposed contact with the child’s birth family. They will also explain what level of parental responsibility you will have after the child is placed with you and before they are legally adopted. If you are planning to take adoption leave from work, your agency will provide you with a matching certificate to present to your employer.

Introductions

Meeting the child or children you want to adopt is another important and exciting step, when your hopes and dreams start to become a reality. You will be introduced to the child gradually. There is no set pattern for introductions and no fixed timescales, as each child is different and their needs will vary. If you are adopting a baby or infant, the introductory process usually takes less time. For example, introductions may be daily for a baby, and may last up to eight weeks for an older child. If you have any concerns, or do not feel the match is right for you at this stage it is better to say so, rather than wait until later on. It is not too late to withdraw at this stage. Introductions can be both physically and emotionally tiring, and you may be travelling a lot and meeting many new people, so it is important to look after yourself. Your friends and relatives in your support network will be important, as well as your social worker, and other support organisations such as Adoption UK.

As part of your introductions, you should have the opportunity to speak to everyone who has been closely involved with the child, including the child’s carers, read all the child’s reports, and see photographs and perhaps a video of the child.

You may be asked to prepare a letter, book or video for the child before you meet them, depending on their age. This is to help the child learn more about you.

Many agencies also hold child appreciation days where you get to meet and talk to key people who know the child well such as previous foster carers, teachers, relatives, and health representatives. This should enable you to build a detailed picture of the child and their life so far.

The child’s agency may recommend that you meet with one or both of the child’s birth parents. Many people consider this an important part of the process and, even if you are not keen on the idea or feeling anxious, remember the birth parents may really appreciate meeting you as it could help give them peace of mind. Also, as your child grows up, it will help you to answer any questions they may have about their birth family.

Moving in

If the child’s birth parents or legal guardians have not consented to the adoption, the child cannot move into your family unless their local authority has obtained a placement order or freeing order. Having your child or children move in is only the beginning, and involves a period of adjustment for them, you and your family. Both your social worker and the social workers for the child’s agency will visit you regularly at home to see how the placement is going and there will be a review after four weeks and another after three months. If everyone involved is happy, you can apply for an adoption order which will make you the legal parent(s) of the child.

An adoption only becomes legal when a court makes an order. The adoption order transfers all parental responsibilities to the adoptive family. It is only possible to legally adopt a child when they have been living with you for a minimum period of ten weeks (13 weeks in Scotland), and when all parties agree that the placement is working. For older children, or children with complex care needs, it may be much longer before you apply for an adoption order. Once the adoption is made legal by the courts, the child’s adoption certificate is issued. For more information see HM Courts Service.

Support

Adoption creates a new situation which all the people involved have to adjust to. Support might be needed at this stage or at some point in the future. It is important to look after yourself, and build up your own and your child’s resilience. Personal interests, hobbies, relatives, friends, other adopters, therapy, social workers and adoption centres can all be sources of support. A wide range of support is available for you, your family and adopted child, and accepting it is not a sign of weakness. Most importantly, accepting support may help an adoption placement to succeed.

Under adoption legislation, all local authorities are legally required to provide support services for all adoptive families, either themselves, or by arrangement with specialist services. You should be clear before the child moves in about any practical and financial support which can be given. A wide range of support is available. This may include:

• information and advice
• financial support (either a lump sum or ongoing payments), which is usually means-tested
• counselling or therapy
• training
• respite care
• adoption centres
• mediation services for contact
• assistance if an adoptive placement disrupts
• self-help groups such as Adoption UK.

For more information on support, see the organisations listed in our Useful resources.

Under the Adoption and Children Act 2002 (England and Wales) all local authorities must have an Adoption Support Services Adviser (ASSA), who can provide advice to people affected by adoption and signposting to appropriate services. The name and contact details for your local authority’s ASSA should be advertised in the community. The ASSA must have sufficient knowledge and experience of the adoption process and of the impact of adoption on all the people involved.

Under the Adoption and Children Act 2002 (England and Wales) and the Adoption Support Services Regulations Services regulations 2005, all local authorities are required to provide a range of support services and if requested, have a duty to assess the support needs of an adoptive family at any stage during the adopted child’s childhood. However, the local authority can decide whether or not to provide any services.

The local authority which placed your adopted child with you is responsible for assessing your support needs and making decisions about providing adoption support, wherever you live, for the first three years after the adoption order. More than three years after the adoption order, the local authority where you live becomes responsible for assessing your family and deciding about providing support services. However, in terms of ongoing financial support, if this was being paid to your family before the adoption order by the placing local authority, this support will remain the responsibility of that local authority for as long as your family qualifies for this support.

The Department for Education and Skills publishes a leaflet explaining the key changes in the adoption law (375 KB) to the general public.

Telling your child they are adopted

It is important to tell children they are adopted and to talk to them about their past, as this is part of their identity and who they are. When you decide to tell your child, and how much you tell them, will depend on their level of understanding and the appropriateness of the information. But the sooner a child is told the better, and then you can gradually share more information as they get older. Social work professionals involved in adoption agree that keeping secrets about a child being adopted can be very damaging to trust and security in a family relationship. To find out suddenly can be a terrible shock, and your adopted child may question what else you have hidden from them.

When your adopted child reaches the age of 18 (16 in Scotland) they are entitled to apply for a copy of their original birth certificate which will state the name of their birth mother, and maybe their birth father as well.

Contact after adoption

Research has shown that for many children, some form of contact after adoption between the child and their birth parents, siblings, other relatives and significant others can be beneficial. When proposing any arrangements for contact, the child’s agency will need to consider whether it is in the best interests of the child. The most common form of contact is indirect contact (often called letterbox contact), where letters or cards are exchanged between the child, adopters and birth relatives, perhaps once or twice a year, usually through the child’s agency. Other contact arrangements may include face-to-face meetings once a year or more frequently. This is known as direct contact and may include a meeting in a neutral area such as a park or restaurant. It is important that direct contact is properly planned and managed in a way that meets the child’s needs. You should discuss any concerns with your social worker.

It is usually considered important for siblings who have been adopted separately to have contact with each other, if possible.

Contact arrangements between an adopted child and their birth family will vary depending on the child’s individual circumstances, and may change over time. Before making an adoption order, the court has a duty to consider whether there should be arrangements for contact. The views and wishes of all those involved will be taken into consideration but the best interests of the child are always the priority.

Contact arrangements can change over time as the child’s needs change. Adoptive parents are not under any legal obligation to agree to contact, but are advised to follow the recommendations of the court and the social workers.

If the adoption does not work out

Research has shown that most adoptions work well, and the child or children do well in life. However, sometimes adoption does not work out for a number of reasons, either before or after the adoption order, leading to a disruption or breakdown of the adoptive placement, and the child going back into care.

Reasons for an adoption disruption may include the child being unable to bond or attach the adoptive parents, the child having difficulties that the adoptive parents were not adequately prepared for, and inadequate adoption support for the adoptive family. This can be a very difficult and painful time, often provoking enormous feelings of guilt, anger, failure and grief for everybody involved, but remember that support is available to help you through this difficult period.

Following a disruption, some agencies arrange a meeting called a disruption meeting, which enables everyone concerned to come together to reflect on the events and what can be learned from them. The adoptive parents will remain the child’s legal parents until the child is adopted again by new parents. Even if you no longer live with the child, they may still value and benefit from, having you in their lives.

You may feel that you and the child were not right for each other and that you could succeed with a different child. If your social worker agrees, you may get the chance to adopt again. You could apply to the same agency or to a different one, but you would need further period of preparation and assessment.

Last updated: 17 March 08

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