Understanding Be My Parent profiles

Introduction
The child's description
Brothers and sisters
Family needed by the child
Contact with significant people
Support

Introduction

Be My Parent online has a glossary which explains medical, legal, and social work terms. You can access the glossary via the left-hand menu or directly from the children's profiles.

Be My Parent profiles aim to provide a positive, yet realistic, picture of children. They cannot tell the whole story. For reasons of privacy and confidentiality in a newspaper and on a website read by the general public, Be My Parent avoids presenting information that could potentially embarrass or distress anyone involved, most notably the child, now or when they are older.

The profile will not say that a child wets their bed at ten or was sexually abused, but will indicate that there are difficulties. The intention is not to mislead, but to open up opportunities for the child and find a family who could care for them.

The child's description

Child’s name
In exceptional circumstances, the name used in the profile may not be the child’s real name, as it may have been changed for legal or other reasons. This will be indicated in the profile.

Date of birth
To protect the children’s identities in the wider public domain, we publish only the child’s month and year of birth.

Ethnicity
This describes a child’s ethnic and cultural background. This identity is important to a child’s sense of self, and social workers will try to match prospective families to the child’s ethnicity as closely as possible.

Behaviour and needs
Even if they present as happy and smiling on a day-to-day basis, all the children waiting for new, permanent families have experienced losses and disruptions in their lives, to a greater or lesser extent. Some will also have been traumatised, neglected or abused, possibly sexually. This will have an effect on their development and behaviour.

Many of the children express their strong emotions and feelings through difficult, challenging behaviour: they may throw tantrums, or be silent, clinging, rejecting, over-compliant and so on. They may act younger or older than their age, or find it difficult to make attachments.

Attachment is the process of emotional bonding that occurs between infants and their main caregiver (usually mothers) during the first years of life: the infant learns many aspects of emotions and socialisation from his or her caregiver and forms a secure, loving relationship with them. Research indicates that not having had this connection can inhibit children from developing social behaviour and also affects certain areas of their brain, leading to a lack of emotional development.

In their earlier lives, children may have been faced with inconsistent rules, or no rules, and therefore find it difficult to know what is expected of them. Most children, given a stable background and an understanding and loving approach, usually respond well to being told clearly and firmly what is and what is not acceptable. They feel more secure with known routines and boundaries. However, for a number of children, the very security and loving environment that is offered in their new, permanent family may enable them to act out their deep hurt.

Health
If no mention is made of the child’s medical needs in the profile, it is assumed that, as far as is known, they are healthy and developing well.

Developmental delay
If a child falls behind the progress made by most other children of their age, they are said to be delayed in their physical, emotional, intellectual or educational development. Where this delay is due to past experiences of lack of care or disruption, it may be temporary or longer term. For some children, it may be linked to learning difficulties or other impairments.

Impairment
This refers to whether a child has a physical or sensory impairment, or learning difficulty, and covers a very wide range of situations, needs and possible disability. Each child is different and will respond differently. They will, therefore, require different kinds of support to reach their full potential. There are a number of organisations that provide information and support to parents and carers including Contact a Family.

Special educational needs
Children can experience difficulties in learning because of lack of stimulation in their early years, because of their emotional and behavioural needs, or because of impairment. They can be assessed and given a statement of special educational needs, or a co-ordinated support plan, outlining the extra support they require, either in their local mainstream school or in a special school.

Therapy
Some children are so vulnerable and damaged that they need to explore their feelings and understand their experiences in a more in-depth way with a specialist person or organisation.

Brothers and sisters

Siblings are an important part of a child’s life, and as far as possible, children benefit from being brought up together, but this is not always possible.

Siblings in the same profile
Most brothers and sisters need to live together in a new, permanent family.

Siblings in separate profiles
Sometimes, it is felt each child would benefit from a great deal of individual attention or, if siblings have been waiting a long time for a family who could care for them together, social workers may wish to avoid further delays by looking for separate families. Siblings are featured on the same page, so prospective families can find out more about them and, where possible, consider looking after them together.

Family needed by the child

Children are more likely to thrive in a family who can help them develop a sense of identity throughout their childhood and beyond. A child’s wellbeing is linked to knowing who they are and feeling comfortable with their identity. This is built up through their ethnicity, religious, cultural and linguistic background, community, relationship with their birth family, and current as well as past experiences. Great care is therefore given to the way in which a new family will be able to meet the child’s needs.

The term ‘family’ covers all prospective adopters and foster carers – single or a couple, married or not, heterosexual, gay or lesbian, with or without children. At present, gay or lesbian couples cannot jointly foster in Scotland, however, the Adoption and Children (Scotland) Act 2007 will allow unmarried couples, including same sex couples, to adopt jointly when it comes into force in 2008.

Ethnic descent
This describes the birth parents’ ethnic and cultural background.

A family who can reflect the child’s ethnic and cultural identity
The new family’s ethnicity should be similar to the child’s, but not necessarily identical. They should be able to nurture the child’s pride in who they are.

A family who can actively develop the child’s ethnic and
cultural identity
Although the new family’s own ethnicity may be different from the child’s, they should be committed to actively developing the child’s sense and awareness of their ethnic and cultural identity. Usually, this will involve the new family’s network of family and friends, and their local community.

Approved families
For a particular child, some agencies may favour families who have already been approved to adopt or permanently foster, so as to minimise delay which could be harmful to the child.

A couple or a single carer
Sometimes it is felt that a child will prosper better in a two-parent family while others may benefit from the undivided attention of one parent. If nothing is mentioned, it is assumed that either can apply.

A family inside or outside a specific area
For legal or family reasons, it may be preferable for a child to live within their original area or, in other cases, to move away. On the whole, it’s preferable to look first for children in the same region as yourself, as this could be more convenient for arranging meetings and having access to support. However, if you really feel you are the right family for a child in an agency far from you, it may be worth discussing the situation with their social worker, but be prepared not to be considered. Most agencies look within a 50-mile radius of their office.

With no other children or older ones
Social workers may look for families where the new child would be the only one or the youngest, so that their undivided attention could be given to the child to help fulfil their needs. If there are other children in the household, social workers will usually look for a gap of two or more years between them and the child to be placed.

Contact with significant people

Children’s lives do not start with adoption and their beginnings are a part of who they are. They often need and want to keep in touch with members of their birth families or with previous carers. Details of contact will usually be arranged by the agency in consultation with the child, adopters and birth family, but can be decided by the court. Contact is also important for birth parents who cannot look after their child, but may be able to make a contribution to their well-being.

Direct (or face-to-face) contact
This involves a meeting or a visit; it often takes place in a neutral place, such as a family centre, sometimes under the supervision of a social worker. Contact can also be made by telephone.

Indirect (or letterbox) contact
This may include progress reports, letters, videos or photographs that are usually sent or exchanged through a third party, such as a social worker or an agency.

Support

Support for all involved

Adopting or fostering children from the care system is challenging as well as rewarding. Whether or not a family has access to sensitive and skilled support can in some instances make or break a placement. All the people involved may need support at some point: the adopted child, each member of their adoptive family (parents and children), and their birth relatives. Support can come in many different forms – information and advice, counselling and therapy, publications, training, self-help groups or adoption centres, as well as financial support.

The Adoption and Children Act 2002 (England and Wales) provides new measures for adoption support services. These measures apply to both existing and future adoptions. Although this does not apply in Scotland, there is a legislation which requires local authorities to provide post-adoption support, either themselves or by arrangement with specialist services.

Financial support

Looking after a child who is separated from their birth family can involve extra costs. A new, and more flexible system of financial support has now been put in place, which could, for example, ease the initial expense of welcoming a child into your home, help a group of brothers and sisters stay together, take into account a child’s destructive behaviour, or cover support needs or contact arrangements.

Payments for adoptive families
Lump sums or ongoing payments may be made at any stage. All financial support payments are means-tested, so the financial circumstances of adopters have to be assessed.

Adoption leave
Statutory leave and pay are available to adopters, on similar terms to maternity leave, but without the earnings-related element of maternity pay.

Fostering allowance
This is always paid to foster carers, but the rate may vary according to the needs of the child and the agency involved in their care.

Disability Living Allowance
This special allowance is mentioned in the profile when it is already being paid for a disabled child.

Please remember

Accepting support is not a sign of weakness! It’s one of the best ways of helping your adopted child, your family
and yourself. You are not alone!

Last updated: 20 August 08

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