Is adopting or fostering different to having a birth child?
Yes, adopting or fostering is not like parenting birth children
Many children who need a new adoptive or foster family have experienced some degree of neglect and/or physical, emotional or sexual abuse, and all of them will have experienced loss and separation from their birth family. Even if the children present as happy and smiling, their past experiences will have an effect on their behaviour and development to a greater or lesser extent. For example, some children may have grown up with inconsistent or inappropriate boundaries, or had responsibilities far beyond their years (such as the care of younger siblings), or had lots of different carers and as a result may not know what is expected of them, or may find it difficult to develop trusting relationships with adults.
Some children express their emotions and feelings through difficult or challenging behaviour, such as tantrums, or may become withdrawn, aggressive, clingy, rejecting or over-compliant. Other children may act older or younger than their years, or find it difficult to form attachments to their carers.
These children will need lots of extra time and attention from their new adopters and foster carers. The love, care and stability of a new family will help many children to thrive and ‘heal’ following their early experiences of hurt, and this is a rewarding experience for many carers. However, it may not be enough to help children resolve all of their problems, and some may benefit from more specialist help, such as therapy, to help them to understand their past and work through their feelings.
Why not...?
- Look at some of our features about children with special needs, like 'Living with children with attachment issues' and 'Together in time'
Last updated: 23 April 10
