It’s my family who made me ‘me’
Hannah, aged 27, talks about growing up in a family of six – with two adopted children and two birth children. She explains how tracing her birth parents made her feel even closer to her adoptive family.
I was adopted from birth by my parents, who had tried for almost ten years to have a baby. Everything was arranged before I was born and I was taken home to meet the rest of the family at two weeks old. A year or so later my parents adopted another baby girl and then, to their surprise, had two birth children, bringing the family size up to six.
My sister and I were wholeheartedly accepted into the extended family and I loved growing up as the oldest of four in a hectic, loving and fun household. Our parents answered any questions we had, and continually told us we were special and chosen, which, I suppose, helped with any uncertainty or feelings of being ‘different’.
Although I told close friends, it was usually in a matter-of-fact way that discouraged questions because I wanted being adopted to be part of me, not to define me. Unlike many children adopted today, I had no photos or other bits and pieces relating to my adoption, much less any contact with my birth family. I accepted this as the norm, although looking back, I think I would have liked to have a photo of my birth mother.
My sister and I had always known that we ‘didn’t grow in mummy’s tummy’ like our other sister and brother, but it was only when I became an adult, and a woman, that I truly registered the gravity of giving up your child for adoption. Yet I harboured no feelings of resentment, only curiosity, towards my birth mother and the reasons behind her difficult choice. I had my wonderful family, I was happy, and I felt sure that she had done the right thing.
However, I did want to find out more about my origins, and in my early twenties I decided, with my parents’ support, to try to trace her.
I was extremely fortunate to be able to trace my birth mother and her daughter, my half-sister, and later my birth father. Many adopted people live their entire lives pondering unanswered questions, but luckily I’ve had answers to everything I’ve felt I needed to know.
As well as filling in a lot of missing pieces for me, I feel that meeting my birth parents has also given them something, in that they no longer have to worry whether they made the right decision all those years ago.
It was an incredible feeling to finally come face to face with three people who physically and genetically resemble me. However, meeting them also served to highlight the similarities I share with my adoptive family. A kind heart, a bossy streak and a sweet tooth are all part of who I am, and it’s my family who shaped me, and made me ‘me’. They’ve been there for every trial and every triumph of my life, and the knowledge that they always will be is what anchors me. They may not be perfect, but they’re mine!
Hannah’s name has been changed. Photograph posed by models.
Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in November 2007.
This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666/5/4.
Last updated: 14 November 07
