What's behind the label?

I often read through the whole of Be My Parent just to keep up to date on the children who need families. It’s always an overwhelming experience, even though I’m used to it. So I sometimes wonder what the average reader thinks – particularly people who are new to the world of adoption and fostering. We all respond differently to different children – call it ‘chemistry’ or ‘falling in love’ – but are there words or phrases in the profiles which you actually find off-putting or confusing, or plain incomprehensible? Social workers do their best to write clearly about the children, and the Be My Parent editorial team will edit profiles so they are in plain English, but sometimes we all slip into jargon – so we need to be reminded.

I am particularly curious to know what people make of the terms ‘developmental delay’, or ‘uncertainty’, or indeed ‘global developmental delay’. I have a hunch that these labels might be preventing some children from finding families. Maybe the terms need to be explained in more detail and demystified? (You can start with the Be My Parent online glossary). But most importantly, the individual child behind the generic label needs to be properly understood by readers.

Developmental delay is a very broad description. As we know, it is quite normal for children to reach their milestones at different rates and ages, whether this is in motor skills, speech and language, learning or social interaction. If a child is way outside the usual range for that particular milestone, we begin to worry, and we become increasingly concerned if that applies in a number of areas. So we need to think about why this child seems to be ‘delayed’.

The good news is that some children will catch up with little outside help just through the loving care of committed parents. For others, a variety of distinct therapies is available to help that process (for example, speech therapy, physiotherapy); and for children who have a more complex combination of difficulties, there are specialist centres with a whole team of people with different skills to maximise the chances of catch-up for each child. I used to work in a multi-disciplinary Child Development Centre, and was amazed at the progress which some of the children made even if they only came once a week (though the parents’ involvement was also an important factor). My most vivid memory is of the absolute determination on the face of one little chap as he concentrated on the exercises he was doing with his occupational therapist. Barack Obama’s ‘Yes we can!’ now comes to mind.

Although developmental delay could, of course, be linked to a serious condition, a common reason for the delay noted in the children featured in Be My Parent is the very bad start in life which some of them have had. Here, the road to catch-up may be a bit more straightforward.

The baby’s brain needs continuous stimulation and encouragement through interacting with parents if it is to develop healthily. In simple terms, the ‘neural pathways’ between all the relevant functions need to be created. This is why, in happy, well-supported families, where the adults constantly say things like ‘aren’t you beautiful!’ and ‘this little piggy went to market’, and stroke and touch the baby, and provide music and mobiles and so on, babies’ brains are stimulated –and they grow. In circumstances of neglect, on the other hand, where few of these joyful interactions happen, the brain’s vital messaging service slows down and development is delayed. So neglect has a very serious impact on young children.

However, we have learned some very hopeful lessons. It is quite common for neglected children to come on in leaps and bounds in foster care (in other words, those neural pathways start to be established). You will hear stories about children who have put on weight, ‘blossomed’ and begun to meet ordinary milestones after even a short time with a foster family. Therefore, if lack of early care is the reason for the delay, we know that, in a loving family environment, the outcome for that child can be very positive.

So I would make a plea that, if you are one of those people who has felt a bit anxious about the terms used in the profiles, such as ‘developmental delay’, please think again. There may be no miracle cures, but all is certainly not ‘doom and gloom’ either. There is help available, and real hope for many children simply through experiencing close loving care. The crucial thing is for you to find out more about this child. So, instead of turning the page, please pick up the phone to the child’s social worker and start asking questions:

• what exactly does developmental delay mean for this child?
• what may be causing the delay for this child?
• what are the possible outcomes for this child?

Remember, you are not going to foster or adopt all the children who need a family – just one (or maybe two or more!). And you can make the difference: “Yes you can!”

Jennifer Cousins

Could you become an adopter or permanent foster carer? Have a look at some of the children's profiles on our website.

Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in September 2009.

This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666.

Last updated: 25 August 09

Back to previous