Adopting boys
Rob, the father of three adopted boys, does not think that boys are harder work than girls – and thinks that if you enjoy the work, then it’s not really work at all! He shares his thoughts on the decision to adopt and how fatherhood has changed his life...
I should start by saying that I am a Dad, but I wasn’t always. My promotion to fatherhood occurred recently, when my wife and I adopted three rambunctious, high-energy, low-bath-tolerant, grass-knee-stained boys. If that previous statement didn’t convey my feelings for the boys, then this will…they are wonderful! The adoption was one of the most significant events in my life, it was a day to remember.
Like many people who are considering adoption, we had tried unsuccessfully to have our own biological children. We wanted children, but nature and modernity seemed determined to prevent it. A professional life and an older marriage meant that the odds were stacked against us. My wife had been a single child, while I was one of six, so much of the impetus for considering adoption was on my part. I wanted children. There were many weeks of late-night talks and agonising over the final decision. At first we considered the implications of whether or not the children would seem like our own, especially given the fact that we had tried very hard to have biological children, but this was dismissed soon after the boys came to live with us. They were and are our children. Words evade me in describing the first moment in which they called me ‘Dad’.
I suppose that we were destined to adopt boys. I’m a boy, most men are. It sounds obvious and some of you might just now be making the ‘duh’ sound, but the fact of the matter is that most men never really grow up or at least some part of them doesn’t. I still like catapults, building forts, pirates and castles. I am always fascinated by things that fly, whiz around, get you from A to B faster, have mechanical and moving parts or need building. The boys are just the same. They love taking things apart to see how they work, a day at a crumbly old castle is euphoria, and building a pirate ship or tenth-scale working Roman catapult is the highlight of the week!
What about poor Mum, you say? She doesn’t want to put up with muddy floors, catapults laying siege to the biscuit cupboard, pirates harassing the neighbours or any number of other questionable activities. She wants a nice, quiet, peaceful life. Maybe, maybe not. If she’s like my wife, she’ll be in the thick of it. She’s a whiz at treasure maps, knows more about knights than I do and sadly, runs rings around me playing ‘tickle monster‘ in the garden. See, there’s always room for another boy, even an honorary one.
There are many myths and misconceptions surrounding the adoption of boys, mainly that they can be hard work and are not easily managed. Without sounding preachy, most things in life require hard work or at least most things which are worthwhile. Boys are no more work than girls, it’s just a different kind of work, and if you enjoy the work, then it’s not work at all! Now if you’ll excuse me, the crew and I are getting ready to cast off, the seven seas call, treasure beckons and a new sun is rising on our horizon.
Michael K. Robinson
You can also read A lot of chaos and a lot of joy, an interview with Rob and his family.
This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666/5/4.
Last updated: 03 November 08
