Could it be me?

As Director of Child Placement for BAAF, Mo O’Reilly is responsible for managing the Be My Parent service, as well as being the contract manager for the National Adoption Register for England and Wales. She has a social work background and has specialised in adoption and fostering for over 30 years. Here, she answers some of your questions...

How long will it take before I am matched?

It is almost impossible to say! There is no average length of time from being approved to being matched, as each family and each child is different. However, some types of families wait longer than others: for example, a white couple will usually wait longer than a mixed ethnicity couple, who may be matched within a few months because there are fewer prospective adopters or permanent foster carers of mixed ethnicity. Being a single carer or a same-sex couple should not affect how long you wait –although we do know that it sometimes does, unfortunately… If you have any concerns, talk to your agency.

Lots of families are keen to be matched with a child under five with no special needs or health issues. However, many children in Be My Parent are older or have special needs (such as developmental uncertainty). There are groups of children who wait longer. Over half of the children waiting are groups of brothers and sisters who need to stay together. You may be matched more quickly if you can accept some level of special needs, or consider an older child or group of siblings, although it’s important that you are realistic about what you can manage. Asian children, particularly from Hindu and Sikh communities, are under-represented in the care system as a whole, so Asian adopters, especially if they are wanting to adopt a baby, and foster carers from these communities, often wait longer for a match. Your agency should be able to advise you further.

Can I apply if I have a health issue or disability?

Yes, of course. There are over 4,000 children waiting for a permanent family in the UK and we don’t want to discourage anyone from considering adoption or fostering.

Once you have approached an agency, they will look at any health condition or disability along with all the other information you provide. When considering you as an adoptive parent or foster carer, the agency needs to ensure that any child coming into your family will have a stable home life with no preventable disruption, such as a carer becoming seriously ill due to a long-term health condition.

All applicants need to provide a full medical report from their GP as part of the assessment process. In addition, your agency may refer your case to their own medical expert for further advice. It is very important to be honest about any health condition at this stage, including mental ill-health or disability. It may not prevent you from adopting or fostering, but withholding information from your agency could certainly affect your chances, as agencies need to be confident that you are open and honest in will look at any health condition or disability along with all the other information you provide. When considering you as an adoptive parent or foster carer, the agency needs to ensure that any child coming into your family will have a stable home life with no preventable disruption, such as a carer becoming seriously ill due to a long-term health condition. All applicants need to provide a full medical report from their GP as part of the assessment process. In addition, your agency may refer your case to their own medical expert for further advice. It is very important to be honest about any health condition at this stage, including mental ill-health or disability. It may not prevent you from adopting or fostering, but withholding information from your agency could certainly affect your chances, as agencies need to be confident that you are open and honest in your dealings with them.

If you have a disability, the agency will ask you how this affects your everyday life, mobility, etc, and talk to you about how you could best manage the needs of a child until adulthood. If the first agency you contact decides not to go ahead and assess you, you may consider approaching another agency.

Why is it important to have a two-year age gap between my birth child and the child I want to enquire about?

Often, when prospective families enquire about children in Be My Parent, they are keen to find a child of a similar age to their birth children. However, research shows that it is far better to have a minimum age gap of two years. If the age gap is less than two years, your child and your adopted or foster child will have competing needs: they will have to share toys, friends and perhaps classes at school. This can put a strain on the placement since, as with any other family, it is important for each child to have their own ‘place’ and identity – and with adopted or permanently fostered children, all the more so. This is why you will often see the phrase ‘where she or he would be the only or significantly youngest child in the family’ in Be My Parent profiles. There is usually more flexibility about this in permanent foster placements involving teenagers.

Revised version published in the Be My Parent newspaper in January 2010.

This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666.

Last updated: 24 December 09

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