I have never experienced love like this...
When Charlotte and William decided to adopt, they hadn’t quite imagined how completely their lives would change, and how much love they would feel for the little boy who would come to join their family…
Our story is fairly similar to that of some of the families we met while going through the process of adoption. When we decided to try for a child, I had a miscarriage, which it took me a long time to recover from, both physically and psychologically. So, approximately a year later, and having found out more about adoption through the National Adoption Week campaign, we decided that, instead of risking more miscarriages, we wanted to adopt. I was 39 at the time, and William 36.
We soon realised that there were a number of mixed-ethnicity children waiting for adoption by families like us – William is white and I am of mixed heritage. We didn’t really have any preconceived notions about adoption and had no real expectations either. We did lots of research and lots of reading in preparation.
Our experience of the process was fairly good. The Preparation Group meeting was particularly useful, and everyone involved very welcoming. Even though our social worker asked a number of quite intrusive questions as we were going through the process, we understood why that was necessary. William was asked questions about ethnicity, which were new to him, and he found that aspect quite interesting.
We didn’t really know if we wanted a boy or girl, but had agreed from quite early on that we did not have the special skills required to look after a severely disabled child.
We were subscribing to both Be My Parent and Children who Wait when we came across the profile of our son. He just leaped out of the pages at us. He looks like he could have been my birth child: he has hair like mine, my colouring, and looks very much like me!
Our son was eight months old when he joined our family, two years ago. The whole process, from introductions to him coming to live with us, took five days. We were so keen to get him home! Then the reality of looking after a young baby kicked in. We were both shattered. It didn’t help that I also became quite ill in the first year. Making the transition took time. As the main carer, and with William working long hours, I found that support was really important. So I joined a number of local groups, such as baby and toddler groups, and enrolled on a parenting class run by a local church!
William and I had both been working full time, and, like any other parents, we sometimes found it hard to adjust to a child being in our family. It has completely changed our lives, and has been occasionally challenging. However, the amount of love I feel for our son is astonishing: I can quite happily say that I have never experienced love like this – it is so unique. The bond and connection between our son, William and me is tremendous, and growing and cementing further with each day.
If you’re thinking of adopting, you need to consider the emotional impact on you, from the beginning of the process to well after a child has been placed with you. If you are a couple, you need to look at the stability of your relationship because it will be tested along the way. Contact, whether limited or frequent, will also have an effect.
I would make a special appeal to families with a minority ethnic background. It is so important for a child to grow up in a family that reflects their ethnicity, because that family understands the issues and the needs that may affect that child in society. This will not only provide the child with awareness and support, but will also give him or her a secure base from which they can explore the world about them. They’ll be able to say ‘I know who I am’.
As told to Gwen Rule.
All names have been changed. Photograph posed by models.
Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in November 2007.
This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666/5/4.
Last updated: 14 November 07
