"It's jolly good fun!"
Isobel Plumstead has been a judge for almost 20 years and has always specialised in family law. She took some time out of her busy schedule to reassure Be My Parent readers about going to court for an adoption order.
We always make it very clear that this day in court is a ‘celebration day’. It’s important for the children to have that. We write to the prospective adopters to let them know that family and friends and supporters are all welcome to come, and can bring cameras, even video cameras, to court.
I dress up in full robes on the day, as I know the children like that. We pretend the whole affair is terribly formal. Everyone gathers into court and there will be court staff at the back, with an instant camera, preparing a certificate that congratulates the child. Once that’s all ready, everybody rises. I pretend I have no idea what the child in the middle is called. If there are adoptive siblings, I speak to them first. I then talk to the child too, depending on their age.
In my courtroom, there is a big, lovely coat of arms, with animals on it, such as lions, so that’s always a good thing to talk about with the children. If they have a big adoptive brother and sister, I usually check with them that their mum and dad are good enough to adopt – they haven’t let me down yet! I then ask the children whether they’ll let me pose with them in a team photo. We stick that on to the certificate.
You can’t have a script. It’s the child’s day so everything is tailored to them. It depends on how old they are, and so on. It’s important that I read all the reports that the social worker sends me, and it’s important that they are accurate. For example, if it says ‘Jason is dead keen on Manchester United’, I can tease him that Arsenal is better!
Quite a lot of the children seem to have a ‘sense’ of what the day is all about – even the younger ones. I tell them that adoption days are a bit like birthdays. They’ll be something to think about in years to come. I also make sure that the adoptive siblings understand what it means and feel part of things too. I always encourage the new mum and dad to have tea and cake on the child’s adoption day the following year.
Every judge and courtroom does things a little differently. I know of some that give bunches of flowers to the adoptive mother, although I don’t really agree with that. I think of the adoption day as being something for the child.
Another has an ‘adoption bear’ that wears a jumper with the child’s name knitted on it. I think that’s a lovely transitional object to use to talk about the concept of adoption – and the child can ‘adopt’ the bear too!
The adoption day is definitely one of the better bits of my job, and absolutely not something for families or children to feel nervous about. It’s jolly good fun!
Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in March 2010.
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Last updated: 04 May 10
