Making it work
Is becoming a parent compatible with holding down a job? Many people manage to do both, whether by choice or by obligation, others decide to give up work on becoming parents – everyone finds a way that works for them.
For all parents, having children means having to make life choices, including those regarding work. You may not be able to afford to lose all or part of your salary, or not ready to give up a career you enjoy. Or you may choose to spend more time with the new child in your life.
Today, legislation and support are available to help you decide. The introduction of flexible working practices has heralded some positive changes for all parents. The Adoption and Children Act 2002 has introduced an increased level of support for adopters, and adoption leave has brought parental leave in line with maternity leave.
As foster carers or adopters, you will have some information in advance about the child who is coming to join your family, and can begin to organise your life – and your work – to help you be better parents.
Doing your research
Looking at the support you are entitled to might help you better judge how your working life could fit around a child with particular needs. It may also ease any anxieties you have by focusing positively on what is available. Seeking emotional support is critical, so open up about the adoption or foster care process to friends and family. They may even prove invaluable if, to promote security and consistency, you need familiar faces to lend a hand with childcare.
If you do decide on paid childcare, you might want to think about which would be most suitable. Finding out what financial support is available may allow you to re-consider your working hours, or re-think childcare provision. For example, some workplaces have schemes to help offset the costs of childcare.
Considering your options
Before reaching any decision, it could be helpful to talk through your options with your employer, friends and family. There are no ‘right’ decisions, only what seems best based on the needs of you, your family and, most importantly, the child. Although it is worth considering your options in advance, it is never too late to decide. It may only be after the child has come to live with you that you believe it necessary, for example, to reduce your hours.
This is what Alison chose to do after being matched with Liam and Lucy, aged four and seven. Although her husband stayed at work full-time, Alison decided to return to work part-time after adoption leave, on a job-sharing basis. Debbie was juggling two part-time jobs, and dropped one of these once she permanently fostered her youngest daughter. For adopters Kerry and Peter, a more radical solution was called for. Peter was already working freelance when Janice and Bobbie were placed with them, but Kerry left her full-time job to set up her own business. Janice and Bobbie had experienced significant early trauma, and she wanted to work at home and have greater control over her hours.
Sally's husband changed career after they adopted Jemima. That solution might not be possible for everyone, but there are many alternatives. You could arrange to work term-time (taking unpaid leave in the holidays), compress your working hours, or leave the office early by taking work home. You could even, if feasible, leave work altogether.
You might need to be flexible, as circumstances can change, both for you and the child. For example, as a child grows and adjusts, their behavioural difficulties may lessen, and different working arrangements become viable. Decisions made now are not necessarily set in stone, but it might still be useful to carefully think them over.
Making it work
If you have, or want, to work, it should not mean you have to rule out adoption or permanent fostering. There are many families out there, from all sorts of backgrounds, finding a work-home balance that is right for them, and making their situation work. Every working parent needs to make these decisions, so adopters and permanent foster carers are not alone. In real life, some people need to earn money to provide for their families, or have career goals they need to tend to. Adoptive or foster children are part of that ‘real life’ and would not want it any other way – real family life is all they have ever wanted.
Sophie Offord
Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in January 2007.
This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666/5/4.
Last updated: 14 August 07
