Strength, not weakness!
Support is often used at times of crisis, but it can also be helpful to consider the support you might need beforehand, so as to avoid reaching breaking point.
Increasingly, the Government and adoption and fostering agencies are recognising that families need all kinds of financial, practical and emotional support, not just when the child is placed with them, but possibly many years later. Agencies are coming up with innovative solutions, for example, websites, helplines, post-adoption surgeries, parents'; or children's groups, and children's mentoring schemes.
We like to keep an open door for all our families,” a London-based social worker comments. “We offer regular contact, so they don't feel isolated and out of the loop after a year of silence. For families going through assessment, we try to be really supportive and work at their pace. When they have adopted, we help facilitate contact with birth families and offer support, including counselling, as the children get older and different issues arise. We also invite families to seminars on subjects such as forming attachments.
Sources of support include post-adoption centres and health, education and specialised services, as well as counsellors and therapists. Also vital are your own support networks of family, friends and neighbours, which you will be asked to look at during the assessment process. However, this may change over time, as one couple, who had adopted two siblings, quickly found, when their initial set of friends was replaced by a new network of neighbours, other parents at school and a self-help group.
Many adoptive families find other adopters and adoption support groups invaluable in terms of help, encouragement and reassurance. Sometimes the simplest solution can be found for a difficult situation. After her six-year-old adoptive daughter ran away from home, one mother made use of Adoption UK's database of parents. Through talking to families who had been through similar experiences, she was able to understand and reassure her daughter, and the running-away problem was resolved quite easily.
So, whatever issues you and your child may face, it's important to remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength!
For more information:
Department for Education and Skills (England and Wales)
Scottish Executive
Adoption UK (supports families before, during and after adoption)
Helpline: 0844 848 7900
Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in September 2004.
This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666/5/4.
Last updated: 14 August 07
