The importance of rituals
We all have our own rituals. Some are routines, such as that cup of tea first thing in the morning, going to the gym on Thursdays, or Sunday lunch with the whole family. These are constants that help us manage our everyday lives, and feel more safe and secure.
Many children who have been looked after have often lacked routines early in life. Creating family rituals, such as sitting down every day together for a meal, a weekly visit to the park, or having special one-to-one time at weekends, can help them settle in their new family.
Other rituals are a way for us to celebrate or observe certain milestones in our lives, such as birthdays, weddings or house-warming parties – or even death. They help us mark the passage of time: by creating and having those rituals, we acknowledge that one stage of our lives is coming to an end, and that another one is now beginning.
In times of confusion, stress or change, rituals are important for us to make meaning of what is happening in our lives. They can be a channel for us to acknowledge and express our feelings around that time, and can help bring a family together. In adoption, rituals can be especially useful to mark the major change taking place in a child’s life: the passage from their birth family to their new, adoptive family.
The adoption order is a particular milestone, with its own ritual – going to court. As for the rest of the day, you can create your own celebration! Think about some of the rituals you had when you were growing up, or how you celebrate specific family events. It could include a special meal, visiting a particular place, exchanging cards or gifts, taking photographs or filming the event, writing or reading a poem or a letter, keeping mementoes of the day. The only limit is your imagination! You may just want to have a quiet
celebration with your child, or it could be opened up to include grandparents or aunts and uncles. If you have other children, it is important to involve them in the ritual and its preparation.
And once that particularly stage of your child’s life has been marked, a new ritual can be created to celebrate the anniversary every year, as a way of remembering what adoption means to your child and you, and of strengthening your sense of being a family together.
Isabelle Rameau, Editor of Be My Parent
Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in March 2010.
This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666.
You may also want to read our feature, 'Ways to deal with attachment issues', or our information on becoming an adoptive parent.
Last updated: 04 May 10
