Understanding Be My Parent profiles

Be My Parent is continually featuring children who need adopting or fostering on its family-finding newspaper and website. However, Be My Parent cannot tell the whole story of a child through a written profile. For reasons of privacy and confidentiality in a newspaper and on a website that is read by the general public, Be My Parent avoids presenting information that could potentially embarrass or distress anyone involved, most notably the child, now or when they are older.

The profile will not say that a child wets their bed at ten or was sexually abused, but will indicate that there are difficulties. The intention is not to mislead, but to open up opportunities for the child and find a family who could care for them.

Be My Parent online has a glossary that explains medical, legal, and social work terms. If our glossary provides a definition of a term in a child's profile, we will link to it directly from the profile. We hope it helps!

You can see a thumbnail photograph and around 50 words of some of the children's profiles we are currently featuring on this website, but you will need to subscribe to see/read more. You may also find it helpful to refer to some sample 'mock' profiles.

Please see below for more information about our children's profiles: what a profile might be trying to say and the dilemmas we face every time we publish one.

The child's description
Brothers and sisters
Family needed by the child
Contact with significant people
Support
Preferred areas for placement

The child's description

Child’s name

Occasionally, the name used in the profile may not be the child’s real name, as it may have been changed for legal or other reasons. This will be indicated in the profile.

Date of birth

To protect the children’s identities in the wider public domain, we publish only the child’s month and year of birth.

Ethnicity

This describes a child’s ethnic and cultural background. This identity is important to a child’s sense of self, and social workers will try to match the ethnicity of prospective families to that of the child’s as closely as possible.

Also see our frequently asked question, 'Can I adopt or foster a child of a different ethnicity to me? '.

Behaviour and needs

Even if they present as happy and smiling on a day-to-day basis, all the children waiting for new adoptive or permanent foster families have experienced losses and disruptions in their lives, to a greater or lesser extent. Some will also have been traumatised, neglected or abused, possibly sexually. This will have an effect on their development and behaviour.

Many of the children express their strong emotions and feelings through difficult, challenging behaviour: they may throw tantrums, or be silent, clinging, rejecting, over-compliant and so on. They may act younger or older than their age, or find it difficult to make attachments.

For more information on emotional and behavioural needs, including attachment difficulties, why not check out our factsheet on children with special needs and disabilities or read our feature, 'Attachment issues in adoption and foster care'.

In their earlier lives, children may have been faced with inconsistent rules, or no rules, and therefore find it difficult to know what is expected of them. Most children, given a stable background and an understanding and loving approach, usually respond well to being told clearly and firmly what is and what is not acceptable, and feel more secure with known routines and boundaries. However, for a number of children, the very security and loving environment that is offered in their new adoptive or permanent foster family may enable them to act out their deep hurt.

Developmental delay

If a child falls behind the progress made by most other children of their age, they are said to be delayed in their physical, emotional, intellectual or educational development. Where this delay is due to past experiences of lack of care or disruption, it may be temporary or longer term. For some children, it may be linked to learning difficulties or physical impairments.

Be My Parent has published some adoption and fostering features on developmental delay, such as 'What is developmental delay?'. We also have a factsheet on children with special needs and disabilities, and what this can mean for prospective carers. These pages may be worth reading for further information.

Impairment

This refers to whether a child has a physical or sensory impairment, or learning difficulty, and covers a very wide range of situations, needs and possible disability. Each child is different and will respond differently. They will, therefore, require different kinds of support to reach their full potential.

Special educational needs

Children can experience difficulties in learning because of lack of stimulation in their early years, emotional and behavioural needs or some impairment. Some looked after children may also have missed some of their early education for any of the above reasons, or because they experienced many moves. These children can be assessed and given a statement of special educational needs, or a co-ordinated support plan, outlining the extra support they require, either in their local mainstream school or in a special school.

You might also want to see our factsheet on children with special needs or disabilities, and what this can mean for prospective carers.

Therapy

Some children have been deeply affected by their early experiences and will need to explore their feelings and understand their past in a more in-depth way with a specialist person or organisation.

Be My Parent has published some adoption and fostering features on therapeutic support, such as 'Together in time' and 'An amazing capacity to heal', and these may be worth reading for further information.

Brothers and sisters

Siblings are an important part of a child’s life, and as far as possible, children benefit from being brought up together, but this is not always possible.

Siblings in the same profile

Most brothers and sisters will need to live together in a new, permanent family.

Siblings in separate profiles

Sometimes it is felt each child would benefit from a great deal of individual attention or, if siblings have been waiting a long time for a family who could care for them together, social workers may wish to avoid further delays by looking for separate families. In the newspaper, siblings are featured on the same page, so prospective families can find out more about them and, where possible, consider looking after them together. The profiles will also be linked to each other if both featured on our website.

Family needed by the child

Children are more likely to thrive in a family who can help them develop a sense of identity throughout their childhood and beyond. A child’s well-being is linked to knowing who they are and feeling comfortable with their identity. This is built up through their ethnicity, religious, cultural and linguistic background, community, relationship with their birth family, and current, as well as past, experiences. Great care is therefore given to the way in which a new family will be able to meet the child’s needs.

The term ‘family’ covers all prospective adopters and foster carers – single or a couple, married or not, heterosexual, gay or lesbian, with or without children (at present, gay or lesbian couples cannot jointly foster in Scotland).

For more information on identity, read through some of our relevant features, such as 'Who am I?' and 'Building a sense of self'.

Ethnic descent

This describes the birth parents’ ethnic and cultural background.

A family who can reflect or actively develop the child’s ethnic and cultural identity

The new family’s ethnicity should be similar to the child’s, but not necessarily identical. They should be able to nurture the child’s pride in who they are.

If the new family’s ethnicity is different from the child’s, they should be committed to actively developing the child’s sense and awareness of their ethnic and cultural identity. Usually, this will involve the new family’s network of family and friends, and their local community.

See our feature 'In the best interest of the children' and read our glossary definition of 'reflect or actively develop'.

Approved families

For a particular child, some agencies may favour families who have already been approved to adopt or permanently foster, so as to minimise delay in placing the child with permanent carers, which could be detrimental to the child.

A couple or a single carer

Sometimes it is felt that a child will prosper better in a two-parent family, while others may benefit from the undivided attention of one parent. If nothing is mentioned, it is assumed that either can apply.

A family inside or outside a specific area

For legal or family reasons, it may be preferable for a child to live within their original area or, in other cases, to move away. Agencies will indicate this in the 'Family needed' section of the child's profile.

On the whole, it’s preferable to look first for children in the same region as yourself, as this could be more convenient for arranging meetings and having access to support. However, if you really feel you are the right family for a child in an agency far from you, it may be worth discussing the situation with their social worker, but be prepared not to be considered. Most agencies look within a 50-mile radius of their office.

With no other children or older ones

Social workers may look for families where the new child would be the only one or the youngest, so that their undivided attention could be given to the child to help fulfil their needs. If there are other children in the household, social workers will usually look for a gap of two or more years between them and the child to be placed.

Also read our answer to the frequently asked question, 'Can I adopt or foster if I already have birth children?'.

Contact with significant people

Children’s lives do not start with adoption and their beginnings are a part of who they are. They often need and want to keep in touch with members of their birth families or with previous carers. Details of contact will usually be arranged by the agency in consultation with the child, adopters and birth family, but can be decided by the court. Contact is also important for birth parents who cannot look after their child, but may be able to make a contribution to their well-being.

Direct (or face-to-face) contact

This involves a meeting or a visit; it often takes place in a neutral place, such as a family centre, sometimes under the supervision of a social worker. Contact can also be made by telephone.

Indirect (or letterbox) contact

This may include progress reports, letters, emails, videos or photographs, which are usually sent or exchanged through a third party, such as a social worker or an agency.

Support

Support for all involved

Adopting or fostering children from the care system is challenging as well as rewarding. Whether or not a family has access to sensitive and skilled support can, in some instances, make or break a placement. All the people involved may need support at some point: the adopted child, each member of their adoptive family (parents and children), and their birth relatives. Support can come in many different forms – information and advice, counselling and therapy, publications, training, self-help groups or adoption centres, as well as financial support.

The Adoption and Children Act 2002 (England and Wales) and the Adoption and Children (Scotland) Act 2007 provide measures for adoption support services. These measures apply to both existing and future adoptions.

Financial support

Looking after a child who is separated from their birth family can involve extra costs. A system of financial support exists, which could, for example, ease the initial expense of welcoming a child into your home, help a group of brothers and sisters stay together, take into account a child’s destructive behaviour, or cover support needs or contact arrangements.

Payments for adoptive families

Lump sums or ongoing payments may be made at any stage. All financial support payments are means-tested, so the financial circumstances of adopters have to be assessed.

Adoption leave

Statutory leave and pay are available to adopters, on similar terms to maternity leave, but without the earnings-related element of maternity pay.

Fostering allowance

This is always paid to foster carers, but the rate may vary according to the needs of the child and the agency involved in their care.

Disability Living Allowance

This special allowance is mentioned in the profile when it is already being paid for a disabled child.

Please remember that accepting support is not a sign of weakness. It’s one of the best ways of helping your adopted child, your family
and yourself.

Preferred areas for placement

In the child's profile, agencies will include which areas of the UK they are willing to consider placing a child. How far and wide they look for families may depend on a host of factors, such as schooling, safety and security issues, or planned contact arrangements with the birth family. Glossary definition of 'preferred area for placement'.

If you're still having trouble using Be My Parent, please see our frequently asked questions or contact us.

Last updated: 26 May 10

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