Is adopting or fostering different to parenting a birth child?

Yes. Many children who need a new family have experienced some degree of neglect, and/or physical, emotional or sexual abuse, and all of them will have experienced loss and separation from their birth family. Even if the children present as happy and smiling, their past experiences will have an effect on their behaviour and development to a greater or lesser extent. For example, some children may have grown up with inconsistent or inappropriate boundaries, or had responsibilities far beyond their years (such as the care of younger siblings), or had lots of different carers and as a result may not know what is expected of them, or may find it difficult to develop trusting relationships with adults.

Some children express their emotions and feelings through difficult or challenging behaviour, such as tantrums, or being withdrawn, aggressive, clingy, rejecting, or over-compliant, for example. Other children may act older or younger than their years, or may find it difficult to make attachments to their carers.

These children will need lots of extra time and attention from their new family. The love, care and stability of a new family will help many children to thrive, and ‘heal’ following their early experiences of hurt, and this is a rewarding experience for many carers. However, this may not be enough to help children resolve all of their problems, and some may benefit from more specialist help such as therapy to help them to understand their past, and work through their feelings.

Why not read some of our inspiring features on children with special needs?

Last updated: 16 November 07

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