The pink guide to adoption for lesbians and gay men by Nicola Hill

Published this month by BAAF, this book charts the adoption process and contains personal accounts of gay and lesbian adopters. Read extracts from those here…

On being assessed…
“At our first meeting, [the agency was] at pains to make clear they regard same-sex couples as the same as straight couples. They explained that the belief that gay adopters would only get matched with ‘difficult’ children was outdated.”

On talking to their child about having two mums or dads…
“Our children have accepted very quickly that our family is composed of two dads and do not find anything unusual in this. We’ve connected with other gay adopters … and regularly go to their monthly meetings. This has made a huge difference, as our children are now friends with other children who also have gay parents.”

On dealing with assumptions…
“We deal with [misunderstandings] head on. I say ‘I am his mother’, usually in response to ‘oh, isn’t his mother collecting him today’. When challenged we clarify and say he has two mothers, we are both his parents.”

Their advice to gay men or lesbians wanting to adopt…
“Be really clear about what you will and won’t accept, for example, whether you can adopt children with disabilities, learning difficulties or those who have been sexually abused. You have to state your preferences and stick to that and remind yourself of what you want.”

“If you can’t be open about your sexuality in all areas, you shouldn’t be thinking about adoption. Your children will have to get through school with kids saying stuff and they need to have a clear message from home that we are OK…"

Originally published in the Be My Parent newspaper in May 2009.

This article is published with the kind permission of the people involved. You may download it for your own reference but if you wish to use it for any other purpose, please contact Be My Parent for authorisation: Be My Parent, BAAF, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Telephone: 020 7421 2666/5/4.

Last updated: 30 April 10

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